Renaldo

‎”That’s so hot.” I say as I bite into a burrito.

10:38 PM + 0 + reblog

Have you ever gotten so hot your pants just fall off?

10:40 PM + 0 + reblog

"It’s a fun record about dying!"

- Matt Berninger

"He once ran a marathon because it was on his way."

-

I offered my brother about the super bowl. Telling him I’d drive him. And he was busy listening to the sports channel. Is this married life!?

2:10 AM + 1 + reblog

My name is Buck Naked, I’m a porno actor.

12:24 PM + 8 + reblog

The direct tv man is coming tomorrow.

Jandra: Want me to be there to make sure he doesn't touch you?
Me: Sure. I was hoping to check out that crack though. Or is that just the plumbers?
Jandra: You can find a crack anywhere sweetheart.
Me: But it's the direct tv man. It's like a booty call!
Jandra: That's just in the pornos.
Me: All those years I've studied those! And for what?! Disappointment.
Jandra: Haha studied? That's what you called it?
Me: Baby, you don't know the half of it. Fine, I'll put pants on when I answer the door.